To my bump:

I started this blog for a class, and about reading. I also like to write so here is a little flash fiction piece I wrote…

To my bump:

I heard your tiny heartbeat today. It was the first time I finally allowed myself to believe you exist. It was steady and strong. I can tell you will be a fighter.

To my bump:

I can feel you starting to move around. My clothes are starting to get a little tighter. You make me crave some weird stuff, bump. I started to eat pickles and for some reason added oreos to the mix. It was pretty good. My parents thought I had gone crazy… They are supportive of my decision. Mom cried a lot at the beginning, but has gotten down to about twice a day now.

To my bump:

Tomorrow we find out what you are, bump. A little boy or girl. I know they don’t care either way. They just want a baby to love forever. I get to give that to them. You get to give that to them. It is a lot of pressure placed on us. We won’t let them down though. I know it.

To my boy:

It’s a boy! It is also hard for me to follow through with my decision knowing more about you. You are a part of me. Like a dreamer I started picking out names for you sweet boy. It is not my place to make that decision. But if it was you would be a Matthew, after my father. Your parents are good people. Their smiles about you being a boy help me stay grounded in my choice. I know you will grow up to be a good man. I know you will follow a good path.

To my boy:

Only a few more months for us together my son. I am getting scared. I hope when and if you find out about me that you will understand. That you will understand you are not a mistake and that you will never think that you were not loved. Because you are. Oh so much. This is why I must do what I am doing. You shouldn’t have to live in a rundown home. I am still young and cannot do this alone. You deserve something much more than what I can offer.

To my boy:

I saw you today. Not as a tiny black and white photo, but I saw you. The pain of birth was nothing compared to the pain of holding you. Holding you, looking into your little trusting eyes, and knowing within the hour you wouldn’t be my boy anymore. You’ll forever be their little boy. I watched them as they took you from my arms. I watched as they smiled, and swaddled you. I nodded when they thanked me. Then I watched as they left the room with you and walked down the hall until you all disappeared. A little family. A little, blurry, family. I sat there feeling empty without you. Please know that I love you my dear boy. Goodbye my son.


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